I Remember
I remember the first cigarette I smoked. I remember the love that was in my family. I remember losing my virginity. I remember being arrested. I remember not being able to see through the haze... and loving it. I remember leaving my home. I remember saying goodbye.
I remember when I went to Clear Lake with my family. I remember going to my grandfather's house when I was nine years old. He was in bad condition, and passed away shortly after that. I remember watching him suffer. I remember going to Fort Bragg with my father and we went camping. I remember when we went camping all the time. It was the best part of my life.
I remember when the sandbox was my home away from home. If it ever filled up with water we dug canals to the edge to drain the water. The accomplishment was so great; we moved all that water. What a difference we had made! I remember drinking until I felt like sleeping and my mind stopped racing. I remember drinking until I couldn't feel my feelings anymore.
I remember when I was playing baseball for a traveling team and our whole team were best friends and we would all hang out and play ball and every time to just have fun being carefree and not having to worry about anything but winning our game. I remember the day when my best friend Cory passed away. It was October 17, 2004 at 5:00 a.m. when I got a call from his girlfriend saying that he passed away and that I had taken too long to come over and that I was too selfish because I hung out with my girlfriend instead. The last thing I told him was, “Stay up boy, and I will see you in a minute. Don't do nothin’ stupid.”
I remember playing football with extra energy, to impress the girls who were watching us play.
I remember your warm embrace in the warm earthy smell of your hair and clothes. I remember you, with your happiness and strength. Only your embrace kept me there suspended in the hold of safety and comfort. It started with kindergarten.
I remember sitting in the trees. I remember lying in bed and talking. I remember feeling the soft touch of the grass on my legs and my back. Staring at the stars and feeling your graceful touch against my skin. Only you and I are there. Time tells nothing. The two of us. The moon decorates us with the moment. I remember being there with you, having only the time to watch and wonder.
I remember October 27th. I remember the many times I awoke from a deep sleep, feeling changes in the atmosphere. I peer through my shutters into the adjacent window to see the room fully lit. I walk out into the hall, through the crease in the open door to see my father in front of the computer. He looks like he's been making decisions all night... A hard day of thinking. Can't blame him, he was the one who was most involved with my crisis of yesterday. I tiptoe back to my room and pass out before I hit my pillow like bricks. Later... I find myself in a car. A blue Toyota of some sort. I see my father's outline waving and his sharp pitched voice from outside the car saying “I'm sorry. Goodbye.”
I remember the sound of thunder, the flash of lightning in the heavy smell of rain. A mix of colors and smells. All swirling together into one glorious sound of power as Mother Nature shows off her fury. The rain dripping down my brow then, “Crack!” The lightning hits. I remember the rolling thunder as the storm swelled within itself, a thousand horses running in circles around me on an invisible path.
I remember when I got caught with pot at my middle school, when I witnessed a firework go off in the girls bathroom and then ran off so that they didn't think that it was me. The teacher saw me, and pulled me into his office. I had a pipe, a lighter, some matches, and a bag of pot in my jacket pocket.
I remember sitting underneath the bridge on warm summer nights with you. I remember when we used to sit and talk, staring up at the graffiti. Some of it was old, some fresh. The whole underside of the bridge was plastered. The river was only 10 feet away, and we could smell its musky wetness. We listened to the sound of the water gurgling over the smooth rounded stones. We would sit there for hours, talking about the things that were wrong in this world, referring to “this place” as if it were some institution we'd someday break free from.
I Wish
I wish I was back at home, playing on the green grass, passing back and forth and feeling the wind fly through my hair. I wish I would've never started inhaling that light green, as it floated into my lungs and eventually made my whole life feel like just a floating pipe. I wish I would've stayed away.
I wish I could be happy on a daily basis and not have to worry about school or anything else. I wish I was home. I wish this song would end.
I wish I could play football and get a scholarship. I wish I could see my mom again, talk to her and just spend one day with her, and that she hadn't died. I wish my friends had not ended up in jail and that I could've helped them. I wish my best friend hadn't died and that I could see him and spend a day with him. I wish I could fly and not have to worry about anything.
I wish I could be back home, walking down my sidewalk in the night, smelling the half polluted air.
I wish I had some idea of what I'm going to eat for lunch today. I hope we have soup. I like soup.
I wish, I wish, I wish the apology could be accepted. The moon is always going to sink into the ground, but I cannot accept it. It will keep coming back. I wish for peaceful, humble silence.
I wish to be free, and when I say free, I mean limitless possibilities. I wish for freedom for my sick mother who winces between slow, painful strides. I wish she was free of everything that cripples her.
I wish I had a chance. A chance to be with you. Even for one day. Oh, what a day! I would wish for that day to last forever. I wish you had noticed me. I wish I was worth something to you. I wish you would even give me a passing glance. That's all I need.
I Believe
I believe that I would be a good boyfriend if I had a chance. I believe that I will be a good role model to my nephew and younger cousins. I believe. I believe I will be a better person when I go back home. I believe in standing up for what I believe in.
I believe that this world is too complicated for any of us to actually understand, so many little tiny things that seem so insignificant holding this existence together. I believe that if there is something beautiful to you, it does not have to be beautiful to other people. I believe that there is some higher power and the world, but he is kind of a detached father figure that just created us and left us to our own devices. Beliefs are what you make of them.
I believe that I'm in love, but don't know who to believe or what to think. I believe what others say when they tell me I am ugly and dumb. I believe that my lies are true and no one will ever know.
I believe that they are trying to defeat us. I believe I am fighting the battle between uniqueness in popularity.
I believe in the power of...? There is a deep hole that I feel inside of me as it squirms and wriggles. I believe in free will. As I walk and talk, I feel the black hole, bubbling and splashing up onto me.
I believe that the world should be a better place. I believe, I believe that I deserve better than this. I believe, I believe that my mom shouldn't have died. I believe, I believe, I believe that my brother shouldn't have died.
I believe, I believe, I believe...
Contributed by: Travis H, Joshua L, Tyler G, Megan J, Lars M, Jake S, Caitlyn M, Alex P, Alex A, Nate H, Kalani V and Michael B.
I remember when I went to Clear Lake with my family. I remember going to my grandfather's house when I was nine years old. He was in bad condition, and passed away shortly after that. I remember watching him suffer. I remember going to Fort Bragg with my father and we went camping. I remember when we went camping all the time. It was the best part of my life.
I remember when the sandbox was my home away from home. If it ever filled up with water we dug canals to the edge to drain the water. The accomplishment was so great; we moved all that water. What a difference we had made! I remember drinking until I felt like sleeping and my mind stopped racing. I remember drinking until I couldn't feel my feelings anymore.
I remember when I was playing baseball for a traveling team and our whole team were best friends and we would all hang out and play ball and every time to just have fun being carefree and not having to worry about anything but winning our game. I remember the day when my best friend Cory passed away. It was October 17, 2004 at 5:00 a.m. when I got a call from his girlfriend saying that he passed away and that I had taken too long to come over and that I was too selfish because I hung out with my girlfriend instead. The last thing I told him was, “Stay up boy, and I will see you in a minute. Don't do nothin’ stupid.”
I remember playing football with extra energy, to impress the girls who were watching us play.
I remember your warm embrace in the warm earthy smell of your hair and clothes. I remember you, with your happiness and strength. Only your embrace kept me there suspended in the hold of safety and comfort. It started with kindergarten.
I remember sitting in the trees. I remember lying in bed and talking. I remember feeling the soft touch of the grass on my legs and my back. Staring at the stars and feeling your graceful touch against my skin. Only you and I are there. Time tells nothing. The two of us. The moon decorates us with the moment. I remember being there with you, having only the time to watch and wonder.
I remember October 27th. I remember the many times I awoke from a deep sleep, feeling changes in the atmosphere. I peer through my shutters into the adjacent window to see the room fully lit. I walk out into the hall, through the crease in the open door to see my father in front of the computer. He looks like he's been making decisions all night... A hard day of thinking. Can't blame him, he was the one who was most involved with my crisis of yesterday. I tiptoe back to my room and pass out before I hit my pillow like bricks. Later... I find myself in a car. A blue Toyota of some sort. I see my father's outline waving and his sharp pitched voice from outside the car saying “I'm sorry. Goodbye.”
I remember the sound of thunder, the flash of lightning in the heavy smell of rain. A mix of colors and smells. All swirling together into one glorious sound of power as Mother Nature shows off her fury. The rain dripping down my brow then, “Crack!” The lightning hits. I remember the rolling thunder as the storm swelled within itself, a thousand horses running in circles around me on an invisible path.
I remember when I got caught with pot at my middle school, when I witnessed a firework go off in the girls bathroom and then ran off so that they didn't think that it was me. The teacher saw me, and pulled me into his office. I had a pipe, a lighter, some matches, and a bag of pot in my jacket pocket.
I remember sitting underneath the bridge on warm summer nights with you. I remember when we used to sit and talk, staring up at the graffiti. Some of it was old, some fresh. The whole underside of the bridge was plastered. The river was only 10 feet away, and we could smell its musky wetness. We listened to the sound of the water gurgling over the smooth rounded stones. We would sit there for hours, talking about the things that were wrong in this world, referring to “this place” as if it were some institution we'd someday break free from.
I Wish
I wish I was back at home, playing on the green grass, passing back and forth and feeling the wind fly through my hair. I wish I would've never started inhaling that light green, as it floated into my lungs and eventually made my whole life feel like just a floating pipe. I wish I would've stayed away.
I wish I could be happy on a daily basis and not have to worry about school or anything else. I wish I was home. I wish this song would end.
I wish I could play football and get a scholarship. I wish I could see my mom again, talk to her and just spend one day with her, and that she hadn't died. I wish my friends had not ended up in jail and that I could've helped them. I wish my best friend hadn't died and that I could see him and spend a day with him. I wish I could fly and not have to worry about anything.
I wish I could be back home, walking down my sidewalk in the night, smelling the half polluted air.
I wish I had some idea of what I'm going to eat for lunch today. I hope we have soup. I like soup.
I wish, I wish, I wish the apology could be accepted. The moon is always going to sink into the ground, but I cannot accept it. It will keep coming back. I wish for peaceful, humble silence.
I wish to be free, and when I say free, I mean limitless possibilities. I wish for freedom for my sick mother who winces between slow, painful strides. I wish she was free of everything that cripples her.
I wish I had a chance. A chance to be with you. Even for one day. Oh, what a day! I would wish for that day to last forever. I wish you had noticed me. I wish I was worth something to you. I wish you would even give me a passing glance. That's all I need.
I Believe
I believe that I would be a good boyfriend if I had a chance. I believe that I will be a good role model to my nephew and younger cousins. I believe. I believe I will be a better person when I go back home. I believe in standing up for what I believe in.
I believe that this world is too complicated for any of us to actually understand, so many little tiny things that seem so insignificant holding this existence together. I believe that if there is something beautiful to you, it does not have to be beautiful to other people. I believe that there is some higher power and the world, but he is kind of a detached father figure that just created us and left us to our own devices. Beliefs are what you make of them.
I believe that I'm in love, but don't know who to believe or what to think. I believe what others say when they tell me I am ugly and dumb. I believe that my lies are true and no one will ever know.
I believe that they are trying to defeat us. I believe I am fighting the battle between uniqueness in popularity.
I believe in the power of...? There is a deep hole that I feel inside of me as it squirms and wriggles. I believe in free will. As I walk and talk, I feel the black hole, bubbling and splashing up onto me.
I believe that the world should be a better place. I believe, I believe that I deserve better than this. I believe, I believe that my mom shouldn't have died. I believe, I believe, I believe that my brother shouldn't have died.
I believe, I believe, I believe...
Contributed by: Travis H, Joshua L, Tyler G, Megan J, Lars M, Jake S, Caitlyn M, Alex P, Alex A, Nate H, Kalani V and Michael B.
